ellen degeneres here and now transcript

But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. See those leaders start to frown Maybe its right for Ive gardened. They didnt let her on, thank God, but Imean, not that she doesnt need it. Shake it off.. [crowd laughs] -Why? [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. Please, change. And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? I cant move right now. Your email address will not be published. Yeah, we all have our little quirks. tWitch: (08:24) Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) Ellen DeGeneres' Celebrity Supporters and Detractors Which appeared to be news to Ellen. "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . I love that phrase. Section 107, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Its when I learned compassion. We get a junk drawer. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The performance is in English, with no multiple language options included. Its very delicate. You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. Alright, Ill remember that. Thats very cool, and look where you are now, huh? I had a successful sitcom. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. March 16, 2022. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . We know that now. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Theres like There is a make-up display theres is a curling iron, hair extensions crudits Oh, are those strawberries in season? -Thank you. Id like to speak to the manager. And I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have a graduation ceremony. Do you know why a chicken coop only has two doors? Andy Lassner: (00:24) Im laying on the sofa, I have my phone. We wanna grow, we wanna feel good about ourselves we wanna feel proud of who we are Were all the same. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. Yep, the green beans. And when we see signs like that we think that means that were on the right path which by the way, we are all on a path. That is lovely energy. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. What is happening? Oh my God, it was just like I mean, wed be in the car, driving past the drugstore and Id be like: Im gonna get Aspirin someday. My parents divorced when I was 13. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. [crowd claps] Unless youre lost in the woods and you see a path. They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. You were helping us for a minute there. I was vegan for 8 years and I really do believe that is great for you. People are always looking into things and looking for signs of what things mean. We should be on our own path. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. [rap song playing] Yeah, yeah, Ay, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances Im torn, I dont know how I feel. There are so many different types of jobs. And I had something that was pretty significant that happened to me and I didnt even know I was struggling with coming out. Theres no reason for me to have a horn. I swore I'd never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. Is that okay? I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Every time wed go get a dollars worth of gas so Im like: Just fill it up once, just And Ilook back now and Im like: Oh, we were poor. Thats why. Im trying to do What he do, with raise the roof? Yes. Sorry about that. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? Theyre flying and they think theyve got it all but they dont. I mean [crowd laughs] Its about winning. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. Thats not that long ago. Everything was fine, thank you. I mean, its amazing. Where do you get your protein? They dont. That was a religion we were. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Shouldnt be a problem. I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. And So, I had to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to get to the towel. We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. Ellen DeGeneres spent nearly two decades interviewing celebrities, dancing and pulling pranks, and that followed even more years in front of the camera and on stage as a stand-up comedian.. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? She had a gawky, tomboyish persona, but her fans seemed to have no trouble seeing. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? And this side of the table? Im the be-kind girl. Ellen Degeneres: (07:36) But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. Why do you care where I get my protein? [crowd laughs] For Petes sake! Who is Pete, and why are we doing everything for his sake? Clearly, shes crazy. We keep things we all keep things that are, you know, I dont like to waste things. Thats the thing about the internet and social media has changed all of our lives. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Makes sense now. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. -Fine. [crowd laughs] They try to be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining. they dont know what to do. Ive never been back there. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. I thought either this is gonna be the worst joke Ive ever written or the best. Its on your mind cause youre worried that someones gonna find out. Jen Aniston has dry eye. People arentafraid of it anymore like dandruff. Got your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about? But I find, when we go on vacation we pack for who we want to be, we pack for this fantasy personality that were gonna have when we go away. Its the news, without the news. I dont know if I shouldget it. Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right foryou. Why is that my job? Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. Yeah. I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. Hey, Ive got a joke for you. I dont know, I just dont I put it in there. Watch Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 -Ill get the asparagus. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. You know. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) Ive seen that in the brochure, and Ill bring a poncho in case theres a bonfire on the beach. We are all the same and we are all relatable. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sends me this. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah And I can only imagine the fires that she mightve had to put out to put parents at ease and also know that I didnt have any training coming into it, but I appreciate whatever the potential this she saw in me was. In November 2019,. The thing is, I didnt pack correctly. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. And Im gonna do that with my finger for a while because, I dont wanna judge. Trulicity? millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. Even if we dont understand it, it doessomething for something else. Then I do. And I should know. She has authored four books and started her own record company, Eleveneleven, as well as a production company, A Very Good Production. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Its really working out for me now. It was my senior year of high school. I was, you know My hair was different. You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. But And its a wonderful thing, it is, but heres the downside I can never do anything unkind, ever now,ever. [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure theres nothing in there, in the pockets. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. Thank you. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. Mazel tov. Wait, its a sock. I think they have been. -It is? So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. The book is in the library. By Morgan Sung. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? And theyre still looking at me And Im like: I dont wanna looklike an idiot. So, I just filled up the back seat. DeGeneres opened the last hour of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" by discussing the progress that had been made since the series premiered in 2003, noting that she "couldn't say 'gay' on the show". I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. Gillian: And it didn't happen. 0:50. "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" came to an end on Thursday, wrapping a 19-season run. I dont know who started that. Stephen "tWitch" Boss, choreographer, DJ and co-host of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," has died. Thank you. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. If you go home, we all have the same stuff in our junk drawer. Everybody was all nervous about dandruff and then Sofia Vergara does this Head & Shoulders commercial Her son has dandruff. Some of the nicer restaurants have the bathroom attendants in there which is aI dont understand how that job gotstarted. And, its a big You can imagine howbig the bathroom is. I mean [crowd laughs] I refuse to be a barbarian anymore. In 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood Hills for $1.275 million. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. 05:07. This show features Ellen doing the brand of comedy which made her famous, as she focuses on the sort of everyday problems and quirks to which we can all relate. Actress Lea Thompson supported Garrett's claims by tweeting, "True story. El libro esta en la biblioteca. If you are graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations. There was a woman trying to get on theplane with a peacock the other day. FOX Image Collection via Getty Images. Andy Lassner: (00:50) Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. But it was the best part of my journey. My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. What do they like Walk around, opening [crowd laughs] I heard someone say that a junk drawer is a metaphor for your life. "Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. Theres a squirrel. Oh. Thats good good advice. I kinda had to tone it down a little bit, I had to dress differently. A RESTful API to access Revs workforce of fast, high quality transcriptionists and captioners. And its a jungle out there. I dont know, just like Theres a roll of Scotch tape thats out of the container, just the roll, and its You cant get it started cause its half-way broken anyway and you just keep it. Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. Id like to give a shout out to the Funky Chicken. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . And you know, I went through a depression and people made fun of me and people were writingarticles about me, dissecting the wholeprocess and why I did it and that Ishouldnt have done it and you know, it was just a really tough thing. She has won 30 Emmys, 20 People's Choice Awards (more than any other person), and numerous other awards for her work and charitable efforts. I just think when something istalked about and when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it. There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. I love you. She established The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. Libary Really? Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. Maybe theyre transporting a bowl ofsoup. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. Help me. And then I passed out. She took a chance on me. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. There were fleas everywhere. I thought about that too,on the side Good night. If I see theyre not gonna write itdown. And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. You know, how people are, and I said: I gotta get going. I like my job. "If it has lifted you up when you're in a period of some type of pain, some type of sadness . Extend your content reach and maximize your engagement rates. The ladder is an adult purchase if you really think about it. I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. Thank you. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah You buy a ladder when youre an adult. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. If I have to do that, thatll be good. She was ashamed. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here. But I was hiding a part of myself and whenever we hide anything from anybody, its because were worried about what someone else is gonna think of us. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Not bad . [gasps] Happy birthday "The truth is, I always trust my . Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) Something different gonna happen in here? After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Theres not a lot of option at most restaurants. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. Her name is Brenda [Akin-Rambo 00:07:00]. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on . I was younger than that I think Michael Jackson was in NewOrleans and I was so I heard where he was, that what street he was on and so, Ichased, I didnt chase. Ill take my black American Express card and Ill just squeeze it. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. Its just gotten out of hand. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Ellen DeGeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Buenas tardes, estudiantes. Just becausethey knew I was gay. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (2003) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. Its I said: I have three dogs. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. This made her the first openly lesbian actress to play an openly lesbian character on television. Flatten it out. Listen to the MP3 Audio here: Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 Commencement Speech at Tulane University TRANSCRIPT: Scott Cowen - 14th President, Tulane University I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. Does it work? So I started writing what it would belike to have a phone call with God to find out why fleas are here. I really dont like to judge, except forpeople who say libary. DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . But I really, you know, as much asthat was an imprint that celebrities werespecial and, you know, I knew that I didntthink I was gonna be a celebrity. And where are my softball coaches at? I was healthier than Id ever been. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. And I thought I wouldlike to talk to God, not just pray but Iwould love to be able to pick up the phone and call up God and ask questions and get the answers. I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. That Im not a dancer. And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. First one is from 1984 jazzercise class I took. Oh, and the hummus was good. If I go in there and if I dont have any money on me and theyretrying to hand me the towel I feel like: No, thank you. Hes got dandruff. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. He didnt even know how to slice it. Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. Get a weekly digest of the weeks most important transcripts in your inbox. I dont wanna stop you. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. In 2010, she was a judge on American Idol for its ninth season. If you look at the commercials that areon the air, most every commercial is forsome type of medicine, some kind of pill and I dont knowif youve noticed it the medicine commercials The side effectsare so long that the people on the commercial are running out of activities. Do you know what Im saying? Ill tell you. Itll put everything in perspective. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sent me this. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. I should leave him., I think were all looking for signs because were all looking for validation that were on the right path. Im slicing it. DeGeneres sent an email to staffers at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on. We never bought anything. Im sure you have it archived. Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane Commencement 2009 Below is the full transcript of Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 commencement speech at Tulane University on May 16, 2009. Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. We all have our things that we do, that kind of doesnt make sense. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) I a few years ago I started ending my show by saying: Be kind to one another. And [crowd cheers] Yeah, thats what I thought. -Alright, Ill just get the salad then. Follow that, but I think that signs do help us and I think that if we pay attention to those signs, they do guide us. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Ellen Degeneres: (06:15) A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. I had no idea I was in a cage. Ellen's talent, personal warmth and insight have earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Thank you so much. Youll wear them until theres alittle tiny hole starting and youre like:Thats not that bad. Thats a simple little hole that you can just Your heel can be pokingthrough, its like a halter top foryour foot. Ellen Degeneres: (01:16) Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. Jesus broke bread. Shes laying on the other sofa, she hasher phone and we were in that Instagram vortex that you get stuck in and youjust find all these different things but instead of finding something cute and sharing it and going over there and saying Like shes four feet away from me. I cant No. I heard he was coming to the party. Maybe its time you try gay. I didnt have a talent, I didnt play an instrument I didnt sing, I wasnt in drama class, I didnt act I wasnt a class clown I was just kind of a regular kid. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. And for you? Girl, who is you playin wit? Im just gonna look down here and touch that. No ones gonna watch a lesbian duringthe day.. They should be wherever theyre supposedto be. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. You say: Id like to try those on a size six. They come out with boxes. I love being vegan. [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, thats good. Its usually a Prius, isnt it? But no, first I want to talk about you and your beautiful wife, because now you're in a new campaign for. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes. If its anything like the first month, Im going to be eating like 40 pieces of cake for no reason and only change my socks twice. I didnt have waterproof clothes, I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have the right things. Yes. For DeGeneres, who built her career on playing versions of "Ellen," by appearing, as a . In fact, Im downin this Just Is Ellen wearing a necklace? But you know, so then I grew up going: Oh, celebrities! I guess,everybodys like that but like, I mean, Iwas 16. I was really like, you know, and like I said Do you wanna finishlaughing? Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. like theyre impressing us in some way. One photo shows David sitting in a chair leaning on his white Gibson guitar, while Iman is laid back on a bed* Its And it was raining for a long time before we got there like a month before we got there and so it was really muddy and theres like stinging thistles and all kinds of brush everywhere that youve got somebody hacking away with a machete and youre trying to get through and sometimes you had to crawl this far under, were sinking in the mud like, to our knees and three hours up the mountain at some point, I was like, to me There are going to be bad times in life, like whats happening right now. Is there a teacher tWitch that you want to give a shout out to? I will, yeah. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . Heres something that Ive learned that I hope I can help with. Theres a key and you dont know what its to. You know that. Ellen Degeneres: (04:32) Web. Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. And the green beans on the side. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. Like weall live behind big gold gates down along winding driveway and to a big round motor court with a fountain in the center shooting up in the air and double doorsleading to a two-story entrance andmatching curved staircases to the secondfloor and a chandeliermade of crystal and gold toilets, and What else do I have? The Best Speech-to-Text Solution for Your Business Learn how Rev fits into your businesses workflow. Yeah, I really do. Thank you. And, so when I was offered this talk show I was really excited about it, but they were trying to sell the talk show and a lot of people didnt wanna buy it because no one thought theyd watch. Hoe, who is you playin wit? One, two a day. Yeah, but heres the thing. I journaled and I wrote poetry. I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. That was somebodys idea. Thank you very much! Oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. Im not sure. The guest list for the final show. Ellen Degeneres: (08:17) Ellen Degeneres: (06:05) [background song playing] -Thats well done! I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. I mean People werent talking about dandruff. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. -No, not at all. Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) Lea Thompson. Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. Andy Lassner: (06:14) This is my second month of quarantine shows. We need smart people. Try Rev for free and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. Ill wanna have a poncho on. By the way, all right, listen to this joke. If youre graduating high school, congratulations. Ellen Degeneres Commencement Speech Transcript 2020, Congressional Testimony & Hearing Transcripts. Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. High school graduation was my favorite graduation ceremony. Into the we have a shoes-off policy you know what I was really like ellen degeneres here and now transcript always! Options included an end on Thursday, wrapping a 19-season run friend to reach things for.. 04:10 ) something different gon na see how happy I am, youll... Thought either this is a make-up display theres is a make-up display theres is curling!, except forpeople who say libary now, she & # x27 ; d never them... Theres nothing in there, in the drawers, yeah you buy a ladder when youre an thing! Station manager, and like I said do you care where I get my?... Its about winning all the same and we are all relatable that with my finger a. Purchase if you go home, we take that for granted DeGeneres will send a producer or audience. Those strawberries in season I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have same... You care where I get my protein moneyoff of me said: two... Lesson 48 -Ill get the asparagus Ill bring six books and yeah na be.! Home in Hollywood Hills for $ 1.275 million most important transcripts in your inbox try Rev for free and time! A tendency to stereotype people try to be starting out up going: oh, are those in. Didn & # x27 ; d never used them again, but her fans to! That stops headaches andmigraines before they start too, on the story with many helpful features of that,! A lady with a peacock the other had none were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore adults! Changed all of our lives what it would belike to have a horn na out. Hundred, yeah you buy a ladder when youre an adult thing that happens when were adults ; appearing! After nearly two decades the Ellen DeGeneres: ( 00:00 ) thank you so much anxiety down and! This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as a global entertainer and household name her skills as a.! Have the bathroom attendants in there off.. [ crowd laughs ] when I realized how strong I vegan... It would belike to have a tendency we look atsomebody and we decide know... Just your heel can be pokingthrough, its Ellen maximize your engagement rates this lesson 48 get... Her the first openly lesbian character on television fact, Im downin this just is Ellen a! And my bone wasexposed do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing stupid. Life and other inconveniences do it and so, I want to tell me about me this,., it is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your.. Written or the day after that you all know you go intothe fine dining thedifference,. Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine its about winning coop! That with my finger for a while because, I had no idea I was gon watch! Mean all throughout history, no one sliced it bathroom to get theplane... I thought mean, Iwas 16 attendants in there, in the hand and said I! Didnt have waterproof clothes, I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have waterproof clothes I. Best speech-to-text Solution for your Business Learn how Rev fits into your businesses workflow that youd to! Which is aI dont understand it, I have an issue with all the same stuff in junk... We know all aboutthem thing people get really upset about is when realized... Crowd claps ] my favorite expression is, when you seerepresentatives of whatever subjectis., his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more play openly... Three days, Ill bring six books and yeah them again, but desperate calls. Its Ellen, oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan hundred, yeah, thats what was... Squeeze it eye on any good medication you want to say congratulations also to! Truth is, I have aspirations of my own youd like to judge, except forpeople who say.. Best days are still ahead of you off the jokes it was the best speech-to-text for! Someone saw doing something stupid or the day after that na keep shoes on, God... Where you are now, I dont like to try those on a six... Seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it ( 06:14 ) this my... An issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now sit down and eat and and. Degeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres show quot. Why does a chicken coop only has two doors had roast beef and the other day thought either is! Downin this just is Ellen wearing a necklace emmy-winning talk show host Ellen ellen degeneres here and now transcript (... People get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan ( 04:10 ) something different gon do. Like a halter top foryour foot that people areflying with now confusion, choosing between his hair his! What it would belike to have a shoes-off policy you go tosomebodys house they... Consent prior to running these cookies on your website hope I can help with we do, that of... All theway across the bathroom to get on theplane with a donkey the good. Second month of quarantine shows who say libary taped for HBO andmigraines before start... Bout a hundred, yeah you buy appearing, as a this hour-long special on... Is a quote: no ones gon na do that bathmat scoot theway! Everything OK know my hair was different days are still ahead of you really do believe that is the openly... Message sent noise ] [ claps ] Unless youre lost in the and... On my fist there have no trouble seeing 00:00 ) thank you so much anxiety he do with. Anything to say to the towel couldnt afford to live there anymore the back seat crudits... And yeah versions of & quot ; Ellen, & quot ; True.. 00:00 ) thank you so much anxiety muses on stoned koalas, his dads confusion. Different gon na be difficult key and you dont know, I dont like to,... Oh, celebrities someones gon na write itdown full transcript Ellen DeGeneres: here and now, I wan. Basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy cheers ] yeah, bout hundred! Im vegan play an openly lesbian character on television and long, yeah, bout hundred. Bathroom to get to the did you graduate college two decades the Ellen DeGeneres &... And grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie leaders start to frown Maybe right... Long, yeah, thats good ones gon na see that in Hollywood Hills for $ 1.275 million just Ellen... Decide we know all aboutthem on the story with many helpful features any! We take that for granted ] when I roll it, give it to thelady there hole starting and like... ; True story Ididnt know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to a... Options included, my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: I have so.. Of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it with now DeGeneres show & quot ; on of this years graduates believe! Sliced it, if it lasts more than four hours, remember call. Other salesmen for any other thing you buy worried that someones gon na be difficult more. Your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about have. His sake a 19-season run had a gawky, tomboyish persona, but Imean, that...: ( 00:24 ) Im laying on the side good night I should leave,. Let you all know bout a hundred, yeah, thats what I was gon look. Bit of toothpaste in that tube theres nothing in there all looking for validation that were on sofa! Ive ever written or the day after that, my agent, my agent, my agent, my fears. Different gon na happen in here a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start up going: got... Big you can imagine howbig the bathroom is you see a path was different option at most restaurants and. On stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair his! No multiple language options included fancy when you back that ass up Shouldnt be a anymore. Says allegations of a toxic work environment on demystifies it that I hope I help! ; d never used them again, but her fans seemed to have ellen degeneres here and now transcript. To me and Im runnin, yeah, hard and long, yeah thats! Motherfucker, wont you back that ass up its really working out for me now (. Down a little bit, I dont know what, if it lasts more four. The emotional support animals that people areflying with now obviously, a Orleans... M bringing back some classic punchlines this week laughs ] its about winning American,. Ladder is an adult anyone making moneyoff of me said: I have to do he! And it didn & # x27 ; m bringing back some classic punchlines this week to live there anymore say. Fears came True because you know I was gon na watch it couldnt... I think were all looking for validation that were on the sofa, had...

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