If they've never owned their bad behavior, then it's never going to stop. But when that tension turns into a feeling of always falling short, it might be time to take a closer look at the relationship. I have three pieces of. Mathew is a grad student, a retired successful international fighter, a black belt master instructor in several martial arts systems, and the instructor to hundreds of Little Ninjas that use him as a jungle gym each week. When the relationship is unhealthy, it can be difficult for mom and son to move forward in their lives. This may mean talking to a therapist or counselor who can help them deal with their feelings and figure out how to best cope. This was addressed in a controversial but albeit continued influential way in the late 1800s by Psychologist Sigmund Freud in what he coined the Oedipus Complex. She bad-mouths her sons girlfriend or spouse. We hope to be an endless source of information for parents and grandparents about the martial arts, parenting, education, teaching virtues to kids, discipline and much more. Mothers who micro-manage their children make them feel like they can t function without Mom. They expect them to excel at everything they do and always come out on top. Though traits of NPD may show up during childhood or late adolescence, most people with NPD are diagnosed in early adulthood. If you have made a mistake, be honest about it and do what you can to make amends. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1-0'); The relationship between a mother and son is extremely important to a males upbringing, just as the father-son relationship is. Mothers must try not to get angry as they write the letter. Here are a few tips for dealing with sons who treat their mothers poorly. 0. This can cause the son to become angry and resentful towards his mother. A study of more than 1,000 mothers estranged from their adult children found that nearly 80% believed that an ex-husband or their son- or daughter-in-law had turned their children against them. Simple 3-Minute Meditation Script Thatll Change Your Life! If a mother constantly questions her sons abilities, it can cause a lot of resentment in the relationship. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so its important to talk and listen to your son and make sure he feels heard. They want to be perfect in their eyes. In this article, well talk about some of the most common problems that arise in mother-son relationships, as well as some ways you can help your family stay healthy and strong. And no one thing always means sons will love or hate their mothers. This can put a lot of pressure on him and ultimately lead to resentment. It is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees in support of this site by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. If she just calls you up to talk about how youre doing in school or your plans for the weekend, it might seem like she only cares about making sure youre happy and healthy. The son ends up resenting this behavior and his mother. If a son does not learn to treat his mother with respect, he will likely carry this disrespect into future relationships. Even in these situations, though, the child still treats the parent deferentially and the parent continues to think of the child in his appropriate role. While a person is not at fault for their own mental illness or personality disorders, they can become burdensome on relationships, causing irrevocable damage. From superhero movies likeSpider-ManandBatmanto music videos featuring artists likeDrakeandChris Brown, young men are exposed to a range of masculine behaviors that they may not be equipped to handle. Tell him what he did and why it was the right thing to do. This can be very frustrating for the son because he does not have a chance to express his feelings to his mother. If they are attracted to the opposite sex, that is, daughters like fathers, while sons like their mothers, that's positive Phallic psychosexual development, and this could help us explain why sons are closer to their mothers. 1. The mother is the first person who can teach her son how to respect other people. So when mothers arent there for their sons anymore, when theyre finally letting their sons handle things on their own, it can seem like they are trying to take over their sons life again by telling them what not to do or criticizing their choices. It could result from many factors, such as unresolved childhood issues or mental illness. It is also important to keep in mind that being a grown-up requires a great deal of responsibility, and it takes time to develop the skills required for adulthood. Dating a woman is a partnership. (Source: Healthline). Your job is to be supportive and help him grow in areas where hes struggling, but dont get involved too much in his personal life. Its also important to talk to him about his feelings and how it makes him feel when you ask certain things of him. This is especially true in sons who have Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Whatever the reason, its not healthy for either the mother or the son. Here are five of the most common reasons sons treat their mothers poorly. If theyre hanging around with the wrong people or seeing this kind of disrespect take place elsewhere, it could affect them. They may disrespect their mothers because they divorced their father. Mothers should consider speaking to their sons about whats happening and why its not OK for them to treat them this way. It also helps him understand that making mistakes is natural, so he wont feel as bad about his slip-ups. However, there are some points that mothers need to keep in mind so that they do not make their sons resent them later on. When your mother treats you like a child and tries to control every aspect of your life, its a sign that shes abusing her role as a parent. Unresolved Emotional Issues; Not Mature Enough; Childhood Trauma; Reacting to A Controlling Mother; Being Influenced by Others; Tips for Creating a Healthy Mother-Son Relationship. When youre a mother, it can be hard to know what to do when your son treats you poorly. He needs to make mistakes and learn from them, which he cant do if youre constantly scolding him or telling him what to do. A mother who controlled her son may feel it is okay to control his spouse, but this will create a further wedge in the relationship. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! A mother who crosses boundaries will inevitably have a son who will grow up to cut off contact with her. Now there are always exceptions; but remember, theyre called exceptions for a reason, and not the rule. No child should feel like she runs the household and that her parent or caretaker is there to serve her. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',154,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3-0'); One of the main reasons a son will hate his controlling mother is because of the guilt she constantly makes him feel. First and foremost, try to have a conversation with your son about why he is behaving this way. This was illustrated in a 2015 British study, Hidden Voices, which surveyed nearly 2,000 individuals about why they were estranged from their parents and the psychological consequences of the estrangements. This will help him open up about his day and get some of that pent-up emotion out in the open before it builds up inside him. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. Things change. It will make him feel like he is not good enough or has done something wrong. Sometimes, its because their parents had trouble showing how they felt. She is a former public school teacher of 18 years, licensed in 3 states and certified to teach elementary, secondary English, and English Language Learners. This makes it difficult for the son to trust his mother because he will always doubt whether or not he has done a good or bad thing. Parenting by definition isnt overbearing or controlling. An overly controlling mother may lead sons to hate them. This can cause confusion and frustration for the son and may lead to disrespectful behavior. In normal conditions, this shift in the parent-child relationship does not lead to sons hating their mothers.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',111,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2-0'); Sons who hate their mothers may end up having a hard time developing and maintaining their own relationships as they grow into adulthood. Some children feel like they werent loved or cared for enough by their parents. In extreme cases, it can even lead to the son resenting his mother and becoming estranged from her. 91 4 This way, they can mend their relationship. This possessive behavior can hurt a sons feelings towards his mother as well as his own psychological development. And even though it may be hard to draw that line, or even define that line, so to speak, we all can recognize it when we cross it, just like we can recognize it when someone else crosses it too! Their mothers try to control them too much. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_11',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); But there is a fine line between being protective and overbearing; between being supportive and being controlling. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2','ezslot_21',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2-0'); Narcissistic Personality Disorder: People with NPD are rude, self-centered, demanding, and feel superior to all others, including their parents. That way, when he comes back home and tells you about something that didnt work out as planned or something that didnt turn out quite as expected (or even if everything went perfectly), youll both be able to learn from each other instead of just one person learning all by themselves! Its important to talk to him about his past experiences and help him process them in a healthy way. Some online communities also provide access to various forums where parents can connect with other parents going through similar experiences. His mother tries to triangulate by going through the spouse to get what she wants from the son. If a mother constantly judges her son then he might end up resenting her for it because he does not want people to talk about him like that. 1. An overly controlling mother is also someone who wants to have the final say in how her son lives his life. If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. In this case, the mother has a soft heart, so she always forgives her son. I cant imagine my sons hating me, but Im sure neither can most moms. Spouse Substitute. The mother may be too critical of her son, making him feel she does not respect him. Why are some sons so mean to their mothers? Even though this is not typical of most mother-son relationships, unfortunately, it does happen at times.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4','ezslot_25',162,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4-0'); To recap, some factors or causes leading to sons hating their mothers are: Although this is a complicated issue, I hope Ive shed some light on it for you. This will bolster the young child's ego. If your mom seems lonelylike she doesnt have any friends or interests outside of youthat could be a sign of an unhealthy mother-son relationship. Or perhaps she has nurtured him to her greatest ability. 30% said mismatched expectations about the family roles and relationships, 28% stated a traumatic event was the underlying cause for estrangement. This can lead to the son feeling like he can never please his mother, no matter what he does. In conclusion, it is clear that sons who treat their mothers poorly are likely to have a number of underlying issues. When it comes to mothers and sons, its not uncommon for there to be a bit of tension. The mother will constantly tell her son that: This can cause the son to feel like he is not worth anything, which leads to him disrespecting his mother and other people around him. He may start to believe that he will never be good enough for his mothers approval. Renowned clinical psychologist and respected university professor, Jordan B. Peterson, has addressed the mother-son relationship extensively via professional talks and books. Some sons may behave poorly towards their mothers because they feel unappreciated or taken for granted. He may also be unable to get along well with his siblings or other family members. The saying, Action speaks louder than words, is so true when it comes to being a parent and a role model. The son might start to resent his mother and feel like he cant do anything without her permission. Hell learn more from making mistakes than he will from being coddled by his mother! If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. This can lead sons to resent and disrespect their mothers for what seems like no good reason at all! The mother may also be too busy and only spend time with her son when she is forced to do so by circumstances. A lot of kids and young adults will reach a point where they push back against what they perceive to be a controlling mother or parent. The relationship between a mother and her son can be one of the most important relationships in her life. How to Travel Confidently During Your Period? Theyre also hurting their mothers, who are often the closest people to them in the world. In that case, this may be a sign of a harmful relationship between both parties. Its important to set healthy boundaries when it comes to parent-child relationships. These sons also seem to portray a sense of avoidance when it comes to the nosy mother. Men will compromise in different ways with a mom as opposed to another woman. It is crucial that you give your son enough room to make mistakes and learn from them. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_18',157,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Sons need to feel that their mothers believe in them. This will lead him to disrespect other women as well. Where Can I Send My Out Of Control Teenager |20 BEST PLACES, 35 Reasons For Marrying Your First Love (Pros & cons), Is My Boyfriend Cheating On Me | 45 Sign Hes Cheatin. Set Healthy Boundaries; Work on Communication; Own Any Mistakes You've Made; Be Patient and Don't Hold a Grudge A mother must show her son that she loves him without being too much. If the mother disrespectfully treats her son, he will develop feelings of resentment and hatred toward his mother. Many times, a son will hate his mother because she is continually crossing boundaries, criticizing, and disrespecting his choices. Maybe shes more of a helicopter parent, always hovering and controlling. Whatever the reason, its also important to remember that the relationship between mother and son is very complex. If youre a son and your mother is physically or mentally abusive, this can have a huge impact on your life. These forums are designed as safe spaces where parents can ask questions and get helpful feedback without fear of judgment or criticism. You dont have to agree with everything he does and say yes when he asks for something, but you must trust him enough to give him the space he needs to find his way and make mistakes along the way. If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. 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